Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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