I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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