you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
