i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
