Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My life is pants optional.
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