did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
