I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He passed out mid-signature
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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