Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
