Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
