She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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