Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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