my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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