So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
