I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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