I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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