Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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