I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
