If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
