Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hippo gnu deer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
