Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
is it fun? or sober?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
