who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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