How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
