And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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