someone get that fucking seahorse.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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