WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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