He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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