i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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