so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my phone needs a breathalizer
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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