Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
