found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
