the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
