If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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