Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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