i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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