What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
