She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
