So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I color on your dick again?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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