Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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