then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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