I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
