What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
