Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
