I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
