i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize