Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
