you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
