I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
