well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
