In the future we'll all be gay
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
