Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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