barbara walters just said penis...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize