You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
