just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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