Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize