I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
