apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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