last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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