It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
