Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
