the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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