I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize