I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
