butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
