I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
