After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
