just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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