I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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