just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
