Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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